After much anticipation, the IPTA name list was finally out. The news wasn’t bad at all. In fact it was quite good. Out of my expectation, honestly speaking. I never thought of this before. And it left me in dilemma once more.
Out of all possibilities, I was picked up by USM again. This time, it’s SAINS DENGAN PENDIDIKAN. Never in my life I thought I’ll end up choosing teaching as a lifetime career. But I guess God really does plan for me. I had always love Law; love it to the extent of giving up JPA pharmacy in UK. The love and passion for it slowly turns into a habit, part of my soul. To suddenly give it up really was just too much for me. Every time I thought of this, I had the urge to cry. Even now, while typing, tears were forcing their way out of my eyes. I can’t blame my tear glands again, could I?
But I can’t go against God’s intention either. He had given me 3 chances. I refused to walk on the 1st one, to do pharmacy in UK. Last month, when I got Accountancy at USM, I was surprised but I didn’t give much thanks. Deep down in my heart, I blamed God for the dilemma I was going through. Then when the news broke out, I was totally taken aback. God took back my “unwanted” offer. I panicked. I prayed. I begged for mercy. I promised God I’ll take whatever road He plans for me in the future.
When the results were out, I was stunned. I laughed till I can’t have lunch. I was happy, yet sad. I really wanted to just run away from God and give up this position. I still crave for overseas (snowy) university life. But then, I remembered my promise to God. He did expect me to follow closely. When He gave me this, he didn’t do it just for the sake of doing it. He did take my prayers seriously. My degree isn’t just a simple one. It’s Bachelor of Science (Education), with Honours. Graduating from university with honours isn’t easy. It isn’t common either. I know He loves me. USM’s the top in Malaysia now and shall be much better in the future. I really know He loves me a lot.
But why am I still not satisfied? The offer from Bristol doesn’t belong to me. I don’t deserve it. I just felt that I stole it from someone else. This offer from USM actually saves me from dilemma. I don’t have to worry about financial problems throughout my 4 years of university life. Neither do I need to worry about going overseas for postgraduate courses. In fact, my life has been made easier, by all means.
Everyone in my family’s happier than me. Dad, Mum, Grandma, Uncle Dennis, Aunty Siew Fong, 大舅…… Basically, everyone’s glad that I make it to university. They were worried that I can’t even squeeze into one. I just can’t explain my feelings. Every one’s going to graduate as an engineer, only me as a teacher. It’s… to put in a simple word, indescribable.
人类，是不是在拥有时不会感恩，在失去时才来后悔？
I really want to wipe my tears dry and walk on the path He paved. Please give me time to accept this. Please pray for ol’ me to progress courageously, without regret.
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