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Sunday 10 March 2013

插播一下我欠了很久的update in Brisbane (2)

这个是我上个星期某个凌晨用手机写的,那时候真心觉得好累好累,就用手机打了这篇:

《睡前写一封信给自己》 致:最亲爱的你

孩纸,又迷茫了吧?最近特别容易胡思乱想,对吧?

我知道,你很累很累,生理上如是,心理更是如此。对于别人恭喜你毕业了,你却最害怕他们接下来问你在哪儿工作。你不是讨厌他们,你也知道他们这是善意的关怀,可是你首先想起的是人多嘴杂四个字。你知道你没错,你也知道规矩被人在你面前掰完过,你更是知道真正犯错的人根本没有人抓。可是你还是终日担心,因为你太清楚自己的运气了。六分之一的机会都能让你被选上,你从此害怕自己哪怕只是一点点脱离轨道都会被发现。回家一趟不敢和朋友联系,过来澳洲,你依然选择性发言,就因为你害怕,害怕那可笑的运气。

因为错过了那么多次,所以你更害怕现在的一切只是梦一场。你害怕某天你醒来,这一切都只是自己的幻想。即使课业再繁忙,即使你上tutorial时会因为自己没有写完答案没有读完readings没有准备好就去上课而紧张,即使生活中的琐碎事件把你压得透不过气来,你依然害怕,害怕这是你的幻觉。

孩纸,你没有被迫害妄想症你也没有躁郁症更没有心跳不畿。你只是迷茫了,所以想太多了。你可以哭,你可以写,你可以发呆,你可以放空,就是不要怀疑自己的能力。

我知道,在特别累压力特别大的时候,你会怀疑自己的坚持。我知道,在报到填工作单查薪水的时候,你会怀疑自己的选择。我知道,你不止一次问自己为什么单独钟情于法律,为什么当初不尝试多爱会计金融多一点。你还质疑当年放弃药剂系和教育系的决定,因为你也许会爱其中一个多过法律。你很害怕,它们是不是如被抛弃的小石子,是不是其实第一个才是最好的。

孩纸,我不知道别人是否也会这样有着心理挣扎的时期,我不知道别人是否也会有这样担心钱不够用每天战战兢兢的时候,因为我不是别人,因为…

我是你。

所以我只能告诉你,身边有好多好多人都很努力在打工。不是每个人像你中学的朋友,个个都是奖学金出国读书。你的担忧也许会发生,可是几率又是多少呢?与其把精神都花在这种事情上,倒不如专心在现在的课业上。

你有很爱很爱你的阿爸父神,你有可以为了你付出一切的妈妈,你有可以为了你连自己妈妈都不会告诉详情的男闺蜜,你有一群理解你现在立场而答应保密的好朋友,你还有一群随时都可以听你诉苦陪你哈啦怕你寂寞伤心一直跟你开玩笑希望你开学起来的朋友,最重要的是…

你还记得一年级的体育老师Mr Sim和他的神秘盒子吗?

打开盒子,你会看到,这世上最了解你的人,和最爱你的人…

镜子里的我。

孩纸,别再紧紧咬着牙齿,放松你的肩膀,今晚好好睡一觉,明天太阳升起时,你又有勇气面对一切了。

至于那些你还不想面对的事情,还没想清楚怎么面对的人,先放在一旁吧!撒谎如果会让你难受,那就别说。偶尔学一学高南顺,干脆不说,就不会伤害人,也不会让自己坐立不安。
既然这么艰难地做了这么大的决定,那就冲向不后悔不留下遗憾,法律如是,辩论亦是如此。
还有,先管好自己,才去担心别人。这绝对不是分心的好时期。


既然终于搬过来blogspot了,就放上我那时候想到的歌吧!虽然一点关系都没有……
 

插播一下我欠了很久的update in Brisbane (1)

我知道我早就该写了,可是真的好忙啊……忙到连这个都是从朋友的facebook messages里各种截出来的……各位就迁就一下吧……

  • i have tutes in week 1, right before any lectures, which is totally weird and helpless
    but i'm happy to meet with other fellow grad entry students (FYI, i am now officially enrolled in Bachelor of Laws (Graduate Entry)), so yeah, it's nice to know that i'm not the oldest in that discipline. i might even be one of the youngest
    thing is, those aunties/ older sisters are really dominating in a sense. it's good that they give answers and share everything, but it's a bit daunting to newbies, especially when we have class with the normal LLB kids (fresh out from high school)
    隔壁坐了个医生,还是医学系硕士!!
    the uncles/ older brothers are also scary in a sense, but older ones are normally more friendly and take care of others more.
    by the way!! I often find myself as one of the only asian face in the class. even if there are other asians (mostly indians), i will be the only one with the identity of international student. nothing bad about that though, nothing at all. i'm proud about it.
    and you know those study guides (where we use to call it course outlines)? well, apparently in law school (well, it used to be the same in ANU when i did compulsory business law courses), all study materials with tutorial questions and cases are in it.
    so when i initially thought that i have to print them all out on my own, it was supposed to cost me $85. i was on the verge to purchase my own printer until... QUT decided that all AusAid students, those under all kinds of equity/financial scholarships.. and international students can claim FREE study guides from the law school office!!! buahahahahahahaha
    and my aussie classmates thought that i'm so hardworking and nerdy bringing in those minimum 100-page (Legal Foundations A has 308 pages) to tutes. and i actually read more than they do (just because i find them interesting, not because I am really that hardworking, and they are not compulsory or relevant much at all), and i answer what they don't know (because i've learnt them in ANU) gave them a scare. XDDDD
    even the tutors were impressed (somehow) that i actually wrote full pages of answers as preparation. what they didn't know that I used to write more back in ANU where accounting requires you to write down and count all those figures (i still hate them because they never go balance under my pen), and that since i LOVE law, of course i write them willingly. i stood out in a sense when others just scribble two pages or typed everything on their laptop/ ipad.
    we actually have participation marks where it is solely based on the impression and memory of the tutors over the whole semester, so i think i'm starting to pick up momentum slowly. i love talking anyway.
    reading wise, OMG, too much to handle. it's not possible for normal people. well, our lecturer showed us an Youtube video yesterday, and the US attorney general said that 20 years ago, if someone worked 2000 hours per year, it's crazy. now lots of lawyers record 2400 hours a year. another lecturer shared a joke saying that if you meet a real human being (instead of a dracula) among 1000 lawyers, you are lucky. LOL
    tutes are fun, lectures are even more fun. of course there are boring ones, where i simply dozed off and strayed on facebook and renren, but i really like my Legal Foundations A first lecturer (i think i'm going to have like 14 lecturers this sem for just 4 units) because he shows us all kinds of youtube videos
    and they are dirty
    and they are funny
    mostly, they are just outrageous
    but the scary part is that they are all relevant to our course. LOL law is fun.

    i have been enjoying Fundamentals of Criminal Law most, mainly because of it's gruelling nature. just into week 2 now, i have been looking at sickening pedophiles, rapes, murder and drug producing. how nice! 变态恋童癖、强奸、谋杀、贩毒 don't they sound interesting? XDDDDDDDDDDDDD
    hmm, i actually have a full load in these two weeks, because they think we need to have basics before we can start Torts A
    so i actually have 14 hours of Legal Foundations A, which includes library tour (with referencing and finding cases homework) and computer lab session (with citation homework)
    and! during my law library tour yesterday, just right after the librarian said: as you can see, on level 6 here, the fire exits are on both ends too. far that end, and here on my right.
    and the fire alarm rang! LOL i thought they purposedly did that until i realised someone really triggered the alarm
    话说……QUT自创的referencing style居然连墨大的AGLC都鄙视了XDDD
    【real story】i don't know what else to add.. i'm pretty sure the girl next to me think that i'm crazy to type so much in a facebook message
  • oh, the pastors are not THAT friendly to asians and visitors. i've been there 1 whole month, and they still never shaked my hand after service. i always think that they should initiate it. but the old folks are REALLY REALLY nice at that church. and i get to know a really nice korean unnie (elder sister). well, she's actually 38 years old, but i still call by elder sister. all girls liked to be called young
    我的头两个星期大概就这样了。等我那天真的有精力了就把o-week和各种照片都补上来吧……(我知道我知道,还有各种blog series我还没写的嘛……我真的截图好了,就是还没动手写而已!还有今年的目标清单!!)
    【噢噢噢!忘记说了!我还开始上免费的日语班了!朝向第5个正式学的语言前进!yoroshikun onegaishimasu~】
    末了,为了广大单纯善良(?)的孩纸,我还是把上面那段youtube的原版放上来吧~ 免得毁三观啊~~

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Canberra

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