成长的代价？

曾经，我在某篇文章写过类似“如果眼泪是迈入adulthood的门票，我可以不要吗？”的句子。

原文：(ii)泪海 是长大必要付出的代价吗？我变得很爱哭。虽然不是每次都流下眼泪，可是在夜深人静的时候，就很想很想哭。。。压力和泪水是我必须还的入场费？真想拒绝哪。。。找不到那个曾经爱笑，而且笑得很单纯的我了。。。讨厌这种改变，而且我变得很不像我。。。总是觉得，现在的我，是活在面具下，而这个包装，我很不喜欢。。。
（http://shiningice89-barbara.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!A983A164DC8C553B!270.entry）

最近又有新的领悟，莫怪看书都会读到，大人不想长大，只有小孩拼命渴望快高长大。

小时候总是无忧无虑地过日子；最贴切的歌也许是《时间》，《童年》也不错，还有孙燕姿的那首叫什么来着？啊，《天黑黑》亦有说出我们的心声。话说，有人记得《时间》的全部歌词吗？我只记得有“年纪小的时候”、“我总是等啊等啊等啊”、“渐渐长大以后”、“我总是追啊追啊追啊”……

年少真的是轻狂的岁月……总是觉得船到桥头自然直……很潇洒，天不怕地不怕地去追求自己的理想。当年龄逐渐增加，见闻增加了，胆子减少了……会开始顾东虑西，步伐开始沉重，皱纹开始增加，白发争先恐后地占领头皮上坪数不大的地方……“卡位”成为了一时的流行语。

二十岁，一个大家称为尴尬的年龄。Britney Spears不也唱了: I'm not a girl, not yet a woman？很多人不懂该如何拿捏生活中的一切。目前的我，正是待在想要不顾一切地往前冲，可是，摔倒过的阴影挥之不去的处境……不好意思任性，可是又深怕自己会会忘记最初的梦……

选择太多有时未必是好事？

很羡慕年纪轻轻就被捧为偶像的明星。我不否认我羡慕他们有能力赚很多很多的钱，但我更羡慕的是他们有很明确的目标，每天都有让自己努力不停下的动力。回头看看20岁的允浩、20岁的昌珉、20岁的在中、20岁的俊秀、20岁的有天……在我这个年龄的时候，他们已经是风靡亚洲的明星了……就连曾经演出《小孩不笨》的某个新加坡男演员（就是那个最后打武术的）现在也已经长大演《乒乓圆》了……他们也很辛苦地在娱乐圈中成长，为什么我就这么容易流泪，对生活这么没有把握呢？是因为自己而懦弱，还是因为现实而无力呢？

好想找回以前那个充满自信、不怕，甚至喜爱挑战、面对问题总是微笑克服的我……

前阵子刚刚看到了类似以下的话语：
growing old is a must, growing up is optional。
那……我可以选择延迟grow up吗？反正都被迫grow old了……偶已经很可怜滴呢～真的很想任性地跟自己的心走……

吖，那天本来要写，原来我也有轻微（真的很轻微，因为只有符合其中两项的50%）的“心流感”……对于这个新名词有兴趣的人，可以click它的link，也许，你和我一样患有这种因环境而衍生的“病”哦……
（http://disease.39.net/082/29/259597.html）

ps：因为电脑忽然jam，我才发现blogspot的好……它会自动储存我的draft，所以即使重新启动手提电脑，我也不必重头打我的文章……呵呵……好啦好啦，勉强原谅它不能cut and paste和upload照片超慢的缺点吧……（我会不会太容易满足啊？XD）

Another good news~

Unexpectedly, I end up in Penang. Even more unexpectedly, I get to try connecting to the Internet through WiFi in KLIA where I received another good news: QUT accepted me for LLB!!

I had a great time, although tired, coming the whole way to Penang. I shall share this later. To conclude, I met a lot of nice people, including seniors from USM. A LOUD THANK YOU to all that helped me the whole way.

THANK YOU LORD FOR LISTENING TO MY PRAYERS AND ENDURED WITH MY TEARS AND SEEMLY-NEVER-ENDING NAGGING PRAYERS.

THANK YOU LORD FOR GIVING ME A CHANCE TO REALISE MY DREAMS.

I SHALL WALK THIS ROAD BRAVELY AND STRONGLY, WITH YOUR GUIDANCE AND LOVE.

ps: I'm excited to actually hear people speaking Korean right in front of me! I guess I really like Yunho. Haha..

later

really no energy left to write the things spinning in my head whole day, erm, make that two days, now. so maybe later, i'll update (given that i have time)

pray for me to remember God and His love.

Happy Fathers' Day

I made it to publish a post today while I'm free, unlike Mothers' Day last month. I made Daddy a card, a really childish kind last Sunday because... I got the date wrong! Haha... I thought last Sunday's 3rd week. Nevermind, I'd saved it for today. Will give him later as a surprise. Although I wanted to go out for steamboat tonight, but I don't really feel well. Maybe tomorrow or Tuesday.

I'm thinking of going to church tonight. Slept at 2am again this morning. Thinking a lot, but nothing came out in the end. I made a "deal" with God. If He sends 3 person before 9am tomorrow to tell me it's His wish I do education, I shall go to Penang. If not, I'll regard this as a test, a test to my passion of law. Deep down in my heart though, I don't want them to turn up XD

Giving up isn't easy, no matter whichever choice. The Road Not Taken ~ Shall I take the greener one?

The only reason standing between me and QUT is the burden my parents need to share with me in the future 10 years.

The only reason standing between me and USM is the regret I can't do my ambition, after I rejected JPA UK.

*sigh*

Life~

Anyway, Happy Fathers' Day to all the daddy(s) in the world. [This way I won't miss out anyone]. Maybe you are my old classmate and already had a kiddy or two. Who knows?

To Mr Tan Chuan Pok, THANK YOU for being my earthly father, bearing me in everything.

To Lord my heavenly father, THANK YOU for loving me and enduring my selfishness.

再短短

今晚冒着大雨（好啦，我们去的时候转小雨，好啦好啦，小小雨）去听了大专之夜……看在竹媚妈妈（和爸爸）也有去的份上，我就让妈咪也去听听……到了才懂，有好多父母出席哦……妈咪开始责怪老爸不出席……

念慈的姐姐领唱，然后某个UMS的学长开始致词……很可爱哦……哈哈……大家才明白orientation week折磨新人，是因为怕他们想家……可是，我和竹媚都说如果每天只让我们睡2到4个小时，我们会骂人噢……我们都是必须睡足8个小时的乖宝宝……哈哈……

USM main campus 是去5S2看slideshow。好怀念以前吖……跟我一样修读sains dengan pendidikan 的有5个学姐，都是第4年的！跟我一样的newbies……东瞧瞧西看看，没有！只有我一个中这个原本今年打算关闭的科系==……听说去年诗巫也只有一个==……真的很认真地考虑澳洲哦……是很好听，是很好玩，可是……很难心动……

竹媚也打算放弃UMP的怪怪科系……真的是没有听过的……今天由她的senior证实，今年刚刚开始的课程，完全没有资料可参考……

于是……今晚的我俩……可能……要……失眠咯……

培宁，我会告诉你我的决定的……还有，ps一下，我妈说你变很美很美……呵呵呵……

短短的

原来……默默流泪比忍泪说话容易～
原来……放弃梦想不容易～
原来……改变主意不容易～
原来……生活充满惊喜和挑战～

今晚先去听讲座会再决定下一步棋该怎么走？好不容易决定的事，瞬间被眼泪推翻……前途……啊……茫啊……

上帝，袮还会肯我再任性一次，逃离你设的路吗？还是，这是袮故意安排的诱惑，考验我对法律的热情？我真的蒙了……求袮点一盏灯，指明那条本该属于我的路……

AND finally… it’s out…

After much anticipation, the IPTA name list was finally out. The news wasn’t bad at all. In fact it was quite good. Out of my expectation, honestly speaking. I never thought of this before. And it left me in dilemma once more.

Out of all possibilities, I was picked up by USM again. This time, it’s SAINS DENGAN PENDIDIKAN. Never in my life I thought I’ll end up choosing teaching as a lifetime career. But I guess God really does plan for me. I had always love Law; love it to the extent of giving up JPA pharmacy in UK. The love and passion for it slowly turns into a habit, part of my soul. To suddenly give it up really was just too much for me. Every time I thought of this, I had the urge to cry. Even now, while typing, tears were forcing their way out of my eyes. I can’t blame my tear glands again, could I?

But I can’t go against God’s intention either. He had given me 3 chances. I refused to walk on the 1st one, to do pharmacy in UK. Last month, when I got Accountancy at USM, I was surprised but I didn’t give much thanks. Deep down in my heart, I blamed God for the dilemma I was going through. Then when the news broke out, I was totally taken aback. God took back my “unwanted” offer. I panicked. I prayed. I begged for mercy. I promised God I’ll take whatever road He plans for me in the future.

When the results were out, I was stunned. I laughed till I can’t have lunch. I was happy, yet sad. I really wanted to just run away from God and give up this position. I still crave for overseas (snowy) university life. But then, I remembered my promise to God. He did expect me to follow closely. When He gave me this, he didn’t do it just for the sake of doing it. He did take my prayers seriously. My degree isn’t just a simple one. It’s Bachelor of Science (Education), with Honours. Graduating from university with honours isn’t easy. It isn’t common either. I know He loves me. USM’s the top in Malaysia now and shall be much better in the future. I really know He loves me a lot.

But why am I still not satisfied? The offer from Bristol doesn’t belong to me. I don’t deserve it. I just felt that I stole it from someone else. This offer from USM actually saves me from dilemma. I don’t have to worry about financial problems throughout my 4 years of university life. Neither do I need to worry about going overseas for postgraduate courses. In fact, my life has been made easier, by all means.

Everyone in my family’s happier than me. Dad, Mum, Grandma, Uncle Dennis, Aunty Siew Fong, 大舅…… Basically, everyone’s glad that I make it to university. They were worried that I can’t even squeeze into one. I just can’t explain my feelings. Every one’s going to graduate as an engineer, only me as a teacher. It’s… to put in a simple word, indescribable.

人类，是不是在拥有时不会感恩，在失去时才来后悔？

I really want to wipe my tears dry and walk on the path He paved. Please give me time to accept this. Please pray for ol’ me to progress courageously, without regret.

Today

Initially, I was going to name my post 《闲显的一天》,but then I was changing my mind to《一闪而逝的灵感》before I finally chose a simple 《Today》to kind of summarize my feel. To make things easy, I'll type out in point-form.

1) I was made to tidy up my room this morning, erm, near lunch time when I was playing computer games, which left me with only 1 kind of feel：显。

何为显？就是比不爽跟高一级的不爽。相关解释源自某年某月某一天的《星洲日报》

Please don't ask why can't I just do that since I'm really free. I'm LAZY, I admit.

2)My dog is either too hungry or really hate his chain. We used a leather strap on him. Mum even specially pick those without spikes (which I totally don't understand why the manufacturer put on the straps in the first place. Dogs don't have rock concerts or need punk styles to attract the other half). However, our doggy here just don't appreciate that. He not only bite it off his own neck but also chomp it down! =.= It's at least 8cm shorter now. And it's his 3rd or 4th strap in less than 1 year!

3)I'm waiting nervously for the Malaysian government university intake namelist which will be out tomorrow. And according to Allen, it shall be out at 11am. Let's just wait.

4)Meanwhile I went to check the airfares. MAS is offering RM984 for 2 (single way) from Sibu to Kuala Lumpur. Earlier this week, it was RM 69 per person. =.=ll

5)A quick peep in Facebook makes me miss NS badly. The 'How Girly you are" test confirmed I should be a boy. 0% girly. Congratulations!! =.=

6)I read Ing Ying's e-mail and yes, I agree with her. Staying in those hotel rooms of Taiwan will only burden me. I can't relax (except for the nice bath tub though)

Okay, I admit, posting photos in Blogspot is much more time consuming than Spaces. So if you want to see all of the pictures, leave a comment. I'll e-mail to you. It's easier.

7)I also read Jed's e-mail which left me sobbing while typing this. Pretty touching.

May all of you be encouraged by the following testimony. Have a God Blessed day!

A man from Norfolk , VA called a local radio station to share this on Sept 11th, 2003, TWO YEARS AFTER THE TRAGEDIES OF 9/11/2001. His name was Robert Matthews.

These are his words:

A few weeks before Sept. 11th, my wife and I found out we were going to have our first child. She planned a trip out to California to visit her sister. On our way to the airport, we prayed that God would grant my wife a safe trip and be with her. Shortly after I said 'amen,' we both heard a loud pop and the car shook violently. We had blown out a tire. I replaced the tire as quickly as I could, but we still missed her flight. both very upset, we drove home.

I received a call from my father who was retired NYFD. He asked what my wife's flight number was, but I explained that we missed the flight.My father informed me that her flight was the one that crashed into the southern tower. I was too shocked to speak. My father also had more news for me; he was going to help. 'This is not something I can't just sit by for; I have to do something.'I was concerned for his safety, of course, but more because he had never given his life to Christ. After a brief debate, I knew his mind was made up. Before he got off of the phone, he said, ‘take good care of my grandchild’. Those were the last words I ever heard my father say; he died while helping in the rescue effort.

My joy that my prayer of safety for my wife had been answered quickly became anger. I was angry at God, at my father, and at myself. I had gone for nearly two years blaming God for taking my father away. My son would never know his grandfather, my father had never accepted Christ, and I never got to say good-bye.

Then something happened.

About two months ago, I was sitting at home with my wife and my son, when there was a knock on the door. I looked at my wife, but I could tell she wasn't expecting anyone. I opened the door to a couple with a small child. The man looked at me and asked if my father's name was Jake Matthews. I told him it was. He quickly grabbed my hand and said, 'I never got the chance to meet your father, but it is an honor to meet his son.'

He explained to me that his wife had worked in the World Trade Center and had been caught inside after the attack. She was pregnant and had been caught under debris. He then explained that my father had been the one to find his wife and free her. My eyes welled up with tears as I thought of my father giving his life for people like this.. He then said, 'there is something else you need to know.

His wife then told me that as my father worked to free her, she talked to him and led him to Christ. I began sobbing at the news. Now I know that when I get to Heaven, my father will be standing beside Jesus to welcome me, and that this family would be able to thank him themselves. When their baby boy was born, they named him Jacob Matthew, in honor of the man who gave his life so that a mother and baby could live.

This story should help us to realize this:

God is always in control.

We may not see the reason behind things, and we may never know this side of heaven, but God is ALWAYS in control. Please take time to share this amazing story. You may never know the impact it may have on someone.

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
“Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love endures Forever”.
Psalm 136:1

8) A simple hope. Honestly, I need to get myself into bed earlier. The 10.30am-2am routine should be stopped at all means. It's killing me silently. The newspaper lately reported that a rising model in Japan was found dead, at the age of 21. COD (cause of death): 脑溢血。Her friends said that she normally sleep after midnight or 2, 3am, which exactly is the lifestyle I'm cultivating, oops, having now.

9)Is rushing to a super expensive place for merely a Bachelor Degree worth it? Let's see which path God had paved for me. I don't mind going back to work for another few months in Metho while waiting for university to start. Maklumlah, the salary's high. =)

10)Lately, I was suddenly aware of a scary thing. I can't really write with a pen, nor can I read a book normally. My eyes, my hand, my brain, my body were already set to computer and tv- mode. I can only read things that "run" (a typical 后遗症after endless hours hooked on YouTube). Plus, I tend to put my head really near my laptop screen, which really hurts my eyes and seemingly made my short-sightedness worst. *sigh* *a big sigh*

有意思

今天偶然去看了看hotmail，结果发现了宣源寄来的一封电邮，三则小故事中，吸引我目光的是第一则（因为后两则我都看过）。

故事是这样的：

你会如何决择呢？？

你开着一辆车。在一个暴风雨的晚上。 你经过一个车站。 有三个人正在焦急的等公共汽车。
一个是快要临死的老人，他需要马上去医院。
一个是医生，他曾救过你的命，你做梦都想报答他。
还有一个女人/男人，她/他是你做梦都想嫁/娶的人，也许错过就没有了。
但你的车只能在坐下一个人，你会如何选择？

我不知道这是不是一个对你性格的测试, 因为每一个回答都有他自己的原因。

老人快要死了，你首先应该先救他。
你也想让那个医生上车，因为他救过你，这是个好机会报答他。
还有就是你的梦中情人。错过了这个机会。你可能永远不能遇到一个让你这么心动的人了。

在200个应征者中，只有一个人被雇佣了，他并没有解释他的理由，他只是说了以下的话：
“给医生车钥匙，让他带着老人去医院，而我则留下来陪我的梦中情人一起等公车!”

每个人都认为以上的回答是最好的，但没有一个人一开始就想到。

小哲理：是否是因为我们从未想过要放弃我们手中已经拥有的优势（车钥匙）? 有时，如果我们能放弃一些我们的固执，狭隘，和一些优势的话，我们可能会得到更多。

我是那199个的一个，我会选择救老人，毕竟救人胜过造七级浮屠。医生嘛，来日方长，报答的机会一定有的。梦中情人，如果就这么错失了，就代表我们的缘份仅仅到此吧？

妙的是，我妈却是那200分之1的人诶……哈哈……在妈咪晒衣服时，我口头问她，她竟然回答跟以上一模一样！！我拍手称好，笑到流眼泪……她则是一脸的不信，还跑去找眼镜，要来看看……哈哈……看完后就一直说，你跟你朋友讲，我就是那个啦！只是我的雇主没有问过这种问题……呵呵……她说医生救老人的机率比较高，自己和梦中情人毕竟不太可能在暴风雨中就丧命，所以就做了那个决定。

忽然，我开始想，每次被我取笑“燕雀安知鸿鹄之志哉？”（没有远大目标）的妈妈，是不是不如我想象中的弱？她很有爱心没有错（根本是爱心爆棚），可是在临危关头，她却比我冷静……我有远大的目标，也不太可能放过任何跳板（是这样形容吗？就绊脚石的反义词）……毕竟社会是很现实的……可是我从来没想过，优势也许在下一秒就变成绊脚石……

后来，我又去问爸爸……结果……他的答案竟然跟我90%相似！哈哈……我们是亲生父女，不用验DNA了……哈哈……看来，我们的确比较冷血（我是冷血动物，皮肤温度是跟周围环境的温度改变的）……也许，我们比较冲，设想的没有那么周到……

ps：妈咪很开心她是在那0.005（1/200）的人类群当中，宣布说她今天可能会中4D叻……=.=什么跟什么嘛……哈哈……

今天跟大家分享，愿您也能好好reflect一下哦～

a phone call

I was woken up by mum at 9am.
"It's a phone call from JPA! Quick! Don't sound so sleepy!"
"Hello?"
"Helo, Barbara kah? Ini ---- dari JPA. Kami telah terima surat anda. Sekarang saya ingin membuat sedikit penjelasan."
"Ok."
"Begini, dalam surat anda, kamu akan mula belajar di UK Oktober 2009 kan? JPA hanya akan beri pinjaman kepada pelajar tahun kedua. Kami perlukan gred tahun pertama."
"Maksudnya, tahun depan baru saya boleh buat permohonan kan? Oh, ok, terima kasih ya..."
"Sama-sama. =) "

SO, yeah, an "early" wake up (I slept at 2am) that shoo-ed away all my sleepiness. Nevertheless I went back to bed and start thinking. Then I started praying. Is this God's hint that I should give up rushing over to Bristol with possible fails in the 1st year, then no work permit, and maybe have to come back during year 3 due to insufficient money? Never in my life I thought I will so desperately hoped for a nice place in local government university. I asked for mercy. I begged God to give me a chance to enter UKM Law, holding my tears back. I guess I am strong afterall. I did not shed a single tear all these while. I just felt I don't have the right to cry. There are other people who are struggling with life without a single grunt. I AM lucky, ain't I?

So, currently, I am hoping for the best for this Friday's reveal of future and see what God has in mind for me.

I'd just joined this after reading through Benny's blog. It's meaningful and it's really easy. Go and have your click. Of course, you need not to be same as mine. There are other choices.

http://www.lovetosave.com.my

100 truths

Okay, this is another tag by Allen... Save me from thinking what to publish today. ^^


About me :
001. Real name : Barbara Tan Yu Shan

002. Nickname(s) : banana (I guess this will follow me for at least another decade, or more!), 香蕉当雨伞, baba

003. Age: 20

004. Zodiac sign : Not sure. Some books say Aquarius, some say Pisces, so I call myself 瓶子鱼 (aquapis?)

005. Male or female : Female
006. Elementary : Wong Tuong Kuang kindigarten
007. Middle School : SRB Methodist
008. High School : SMK Methodist
009. College school : still waiting
010. Hair color : black
011. Long or short : finally, it’s long! Haha..
012. Loud or Quiet : hardly the quiet kind
013. Sweats or Jeans : Jeans
014. Phone or Camera : both?
015. Health freak : kind of.. in the heart..
016. Drink or Smoke? : drink, perhaps?
017. Do you have a crush on someone : not sure eh..
018. Eat or Drink : eat lar… no love, so cnt jz drink (有情饮水饱)
019. Piercings : want to~
021. Social or Anti-Social : Social
022. Righty or lefty : Righty
023. First piercing : soon…

024. First relationship : Haven’t start jiu end liao.. =.= SO, can I don't count that in?

025 First Best Friend : Mei Ling
026. First Award : was it in kindi or playschool?
027. First Kiss : waiting eagerly~
028. First Pet : the big dog I never see before bah…(too young that time)
029. First Big Vacation : Langkawi!!! At the age of 18 mths old~
030. First Love at first sight : Don’t think ever had so..
031. First Big Birthday : 7 years old or sometime around that age
032. First Surgery : 5 years old (broken wrist)
033. First sport you joined : dance?
034. Orange or Apple juice : apple
035. Rock or Rap : err… I prefer ballad eh~
036. Country or Screamo : screamo is apa?
037. NSYNC or Backstreet boys : I was a big fan of BSB!
038. Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera : err.. same feel eh…
039. Night or Day : Night
040. Sun or Moon : Sun
041. TV or Internet : BOTH! ! @@
042. Playstation or XBox: ??043. Kiss or Hug? : BOTH! Haha..
044. Iguana or turtle : yikes…
045. Spider or bee : uh…
046. Fall or spring : fall
047. Limewire or iTunes : Limewire
048. Soccer or baseball : Soccer


Currently :
049. Eating : Just had dinner
050. Drinking : plain water
051. Excitement level : 85% (because watching YouTube)
052. I'm about to : spend my night with my laptop again

053. Listening to : Sarang seu reo wuh (Kim Jong Gook)
ps: why do I feel bad about this? Guess I should choose DBSK’s “Hug”. Okie, I just changed to DBSK's "Love in the Ice"

054. Plans for today : no plans eh.. 继续废下去
055. Waiting for : Malaysian universities offer
056. Energy level : 70% (practically did nothing today)
057. Thinking of someone: YunHo


Your Future :
058. Want kids? : Dangyunhaji (of course!)
059. Want to get married? : No reasons no, right?
060. When : after university
061. How many kids do you want : 10? Haha…
062. Any names on the mind: YunHo
063. What did you want to be when you're a kid : lawyer

064. Careers in mind : Lawyer and teacher.. or maybe engineer.. songwriter or author will also do..

065. Mellow future or wind : ??
066. Something you would never try : smoke and drugs
067. When you want to die? : after 100
068. Lips or eyes : eyes..
069. Romantic or Funny : Romantic
070. Shorter or taller? : Taller ..
071. Protective or Caring : both, please?
072. Romantic or spontaneous : spontaneous
073. Nice stomach or nice arms : arms.
.074. Sensitive or loud : sensitive
075. Hook-up or relationship : =.= must be relationship lar..
076. Trouble maker or hesitant : decline both?
077. Muscular or normal : normal will do
078. Kissed a stranger : nah…
079. Broken a bone : of course don’t want to happen again


Have you ever :
080. Lost glasses/contacts : I broke my glasses
081. Ran away from home? : impossible lar
082. Held a gun/knife for self defense : Thank God, nope
083. Killed somebody : Never!!
084. Broken someone's heart : I guess so..
085. Had your heart broken : Maybe
086. Been arrested : good girl like me won’t get myself in troubles lar..
087. Cried when someone died : yeah…
088. Liked a friend more than a friend : hmmm..

Do you believe in :
089. Yourself : of course
090. Miracles : YES!!
091. Love at first sight : I guess so
092. Heaven : yes!
093. Santa Claus : yup… once..
094. Sex on the first date : is it a business transaction?
095. Kissing on the first date : wow~
096. Angels : sure~


Answer Truthfully :
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now : yup..

098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life : “seriously”?? I can’t say I’m totally happy, but yeah, I’m glad to be alive.

099. Do you believe in God : Definitely

100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people.
so here goes the tagging again…
a) Jed (to make you really remember this)
b) Benny
c) Jenny L
d) Lesley T
e) Ing Ying
f) Tin Yee
g) Nicholas S
h) Daphne
i) Jeremy L
j) Bonnie

烦恼

我们是在烦恼中成长的，还是烦恼陪着我们成长？

两者有差别咩？

有，当然有！
在烦恼中成长就是我们不愿意，可是烦恼还是自己送上门来，坚持跟我们在一起，简称在烦恼的阴影下长大。
烦恼陪伴的意思是它其实也不是很愿意的，不过被我们强迫，只好跟我们一起成长。

（烦恼os：对！我也不是很愿意的！是你们强迫我，害我还要随着你们年龄，来个角色扮演，一直换一直换，我也很累的！还要分身陪伴那么多人！我其实真的很辛苦~还要常常给你们骂！呜呜~）

婴儿时期，我们还不识字，不了解这个世界，所以：没烦恼！

（烦恼os：是我没空去“照顾”婴儿！）

（婴儿：我才不要你来叻~）

（烦恼：呜呜……连婴儿都嫌弃我~）

在托儿所时，总是在想：为什么爸爸妈妈还没有来载我？
在幼稚园时，总是在想：为什么我的动作这么慢？抢不到跷跷板……

小学时，总是在烦恼：为什么长大还要这么久？
中学时，总是在烦恼：为什么我的成绩这么烂？
少年时，总是在烦恼：为什么他 / 她不理我？

等待成绩的日子里，总是在烦恼：为什么成绩不快点出？打工很辛苦叻~
政府考试成绩揭晓，总是更烦恼：该走那一条路？

大学时，总是在烦恼：功课赶不完，怎么办？
毕业时，总是在烦恼：该不会失业吧？
工作时，总是在烦恼：为什么薪水怎么少？
30岁时，总是在烦恼：我到底嫁得出去/娶得到“水婆”（漂亮老婆）吗？

结婚后，总是在烦恼：屋子的贷款还没缴，又来了车贷……
再过几年，开始烦恼：对方不会搞外遇刺激我吧？
生孩子后，总是在烦恼：下个月的奶粉钱够吗？

孩子升小学后，总是在烦恼：孩子的补习钱呢？才艺班该上什么？
孩子升中学后，总是在烦恼：他们会受爱情的伤吗？
孩子升大学后，总是在烦恼：他们不会先上车后补票吧？

好不容易等到孩子大学毕业了，就开始烦恼：

女儿 ~ 找得到好归属吗？会被公婆欺负吗？有传宗接代的压力吗？
儿子 ~ 找的女朋友会是贤妻良母吗？会欺负我们两老吗？会生吗？

终于，到孙子出世了，可是，还是继续烦恼：
发烧了吗？预防针打了吗？妈妈会带小孩子吗？有吃饱吗？

最后，大家都独立了，就开始烦恼：
子孙们会抛弃我吗？我是不是个负担？

老伴牵手时，也烦恼：
要是他先离我而去，该怎么办？要是我我先走，他怎么办？

所以说，烦恼一生都伴随着我们，是成立的！（盖章）（烦恼：NO!!!!!!!!!）

曾经看到这么一个句子：不要为明天烦恼，因为如果它没有发生，你就白白担心了一回；如果它真的发生了，你就烦恼了两次。（白头发多生一倍？XD）

也曾经大家用来互相勉励：cast your anxiety upon Him。

但是……试问，有几个人能够真的做到呢？起码我知道我还不能……每天都在担心未知。是前程似锦呢，还是像把眼睛闭上，看到的颜色？今天一定比昨天好，明天一定比今天好，所以每天只会越来越好？

Tagged by Allen

Just back from McDonald. A gathering with 6 boys really made me feel that I should be a boy XD. 灵为男儿，身为女儿。At first I thought there will only be me, Thou Huat and Tiong Kuok, so when I saw Andy, Sien Ding, Allen and Derek, I was really surprised. And as expected, with Andy around, there isn't a moment without laughter and sex-talk. They really didn't regard me as a girl, I'm pretty sure. LOL... Ngip Heng and Tiong Hou turned up when we were almost done. Another surprise for the day. =)

Okay, these 2 tags were supposed to be done a long time ago, so I'll just post this up today one go.

TAG 1
1. Name the persons you tagged.
Benny (you r having hols, ain’t you?)
Jenny L (you v eng, I noe)
Bonnie
Ing Ying
Jed (when u gt ursf a blog, I dun mind waiting)

2. Describe yourself in one word.
- confident

3. Who would you pick, someone who really loves you, or the one you love?
he Loves me (call me selfish, haha)

4. Have you ever loved someone before but never had the courage to tell him/her?
not really

5. How if people reject your confess face to face?
Cry? Perhaps..

6. God is giving you just 5 more minutes before going back to heaven, IF you love someone special, what will you say to that person?
I really love you. Let’s meet in heaven! (hug 5 min)

7. What will you say to a person who doesn't want to believe you?
whatever..

8. Was the ever a time that you tried to learn to love someone?
love in what kind?

9. Do you have something special with you all the time?
my cross

10. Long distance love ?
nah… not even a bf

11. Best place to cry?
before sleep, on my bed. Or while having a shower.

12. Who do you love the most?
My parents.

13. Tell us of your dream last night?
don’t really have one (I sud have done tis earlier n tell u about my croc dream)

14. Ever hated someone so bad?
yes. And it makes me feel bad not being able to forgive and forget

15. The biggest & most hurtful lie you heard?
no words, just actions. (as if we WERE frends n yt backstabbing me)

16. The last person you had a beer with?
it’s been a long time I hv beer… bt I guess it’s daddy

17. The last person you went to the movies with?
wow, last December wif my best frends

18. The last person you talked on the cell phone with?
someone from telekom asking about streamyx connection

19. The last person you hugged?
was it mummy or desmond?

20. The last person you yelled at?
cn I skip this?

21. In the last week have you kissed someone?
daddy? Desmond?

22. Think of the last time you were angry, why were you angry?
financial prob again =.=

23. If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
I want a shelter for homeless animals

24. If you could have an all expense paid trip, where will you go?
China (whole of it)

25. Are you old fashioned?
A proud YES. Haha

26. What would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?
my religion (I cn NEVER do it)

27. Five facts About Me:
only child
love animals
likes learning new languages
have lots of dream
a Christian

28. Five things that scare me:
small disgusting insects
whooshing noises outside d window after a horror movie
people who read mind
telephone calls when a family member is sick (I don’t want them to leave )
cn I skip? I ‘m nt that timid

29. Two Songs Playing in My Head Lately:
One (DBSK)
Love in the Ice (DBSK)

30. Five Things I treasure in my life
God
My life
My family
My pets
My friends


TAG 2
1. Besides your lips , where is the favourite spot to get kissed ?
forehead

2. How did you feel when you woke up this morning ?
happy. Going out later~

3. Who was the last person / people you took a photo with ?
lots of relatives

4. Would you consider yourself spoiled?
yes.. haha..

5. Will you ever donate blood ?
I will, but my blood’s isn’t tat suitable..

6. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex ?
yeah, I guess so

7. Do you want someone to be dead ?
no lar… ppl say “alive dead got life”

8. What does your last text message say ?
later till 1.30pm

9. What are you thinking right now ?
I want a date.. haha.. XD
No lar, I want to quickly finish this n start getting ready to go out

10. Do you want someone to be with you right now ?
yunho? haha

11. What was the time you went to bed last night ?
oh, tat’s early. 11.40pm

12. Where did you buy the tee you are wearing now ?
I’m still in pyjamas eh… *blush*

13. Is someone on your mind right now ?
still yunho?

14. Who was the last person who text you ?
Thou Huat

TEN Lucky Person to do this quiz...
1. Benny
2. Jenny L
3. Ing Ying
4. Bonnie
5. Jed
6. Lesley
7. Tin Yee
8. Charles C
9. Nicholas S
10. Daphne (or is it Daryl who have a blog?)

15. Who is no.2 having a relationship with ?
cn I hope it’s samson? haha… dun kill me ar, jenny…

16. Is no.3 a male or a female ?
female.

If no.7 and no.1 get together , would it be a good?
haha, not bad wor.. bt aldrin will kill benny eh..

18. What is no.1 studying about ?
architecture

19. When was the last time you chatted (as in 联络) with them ?
1. Facebook or his blog’s comment a few days ago
2. Last Saturday during training
3. On her spaces these few days
4. Last month on msn
5. msn? E-mail? My blog? lately
6. Sms last week
7. My blog a few days ago
8. 2/3 months ago on msn
9. A few days ago on msn10. msn n sms last week

20.Is no.4 single ?
I think so. She din say she had 1 ardy

21. Say something about no.2
she’s nice and cute and oh ya, she’s polite

22. What do you think about no.3 & no.6 being together ?
girl love? Not good ba?

23. Describe no.9
a super clever boy

24. What will you do if no.6 and no.7 fight ?
let them have a war to determine d winner. XD

25. Do you like no. 8?
Gosh, why mz it be no.8? Yes or no will end me in trouble anyway…

16:40

That's the time I spent online since yesterday till early this morning. 16 hours 40 minutes connected. Yes, you are not seeing things. How on earth can my eyes stand? I wonder... Maybe it's because my love for YunHo? Haha... The programmes ARE hillarious! So, to be exact, I think I watched 17 hours. My poor eyes... Because of the selfishness of the brain, you twins have to suffer... Sorry... XD

So, after hours and hours of gluing my eyes to the monitor, I woke up with sore eyes. And yet, to give myself a nice excuse to come online, I asked Esther L if she could come online and chat. You know, 016-012 very expensive, right? Why didn't I have enough credit to sms as I like? Because I lend some stranger RM15 and she have no intention of paying it back. What a regret! Ah!!! I must learn how to say "NO" in future... I must not be too kind-hearted (or rather, soft-hearted), no matter how young, innocent, sincere that person looks... I must beware of phonecalls asking for money. I should have just ignore her calls and sms. Ah!!! What a REGRET!!

Devoting my time to YouTube shows no improvement in my Korean. Haha... I just watch the programmes over and over because 1st time is to watch the actions, 2nd time is to read the English subtitles below. Haha.. The only thing I learnt was their way of talking. There's an unique (?) accent... And it only applies to Korean since Japanese have a different way to end a sentence. Another thing's entertainment business in the Asian region shows similarity. Although the games are a lil' different, mainly it's still the same. But then, DBSK's members, especially Hero was like overly excited and blurt out whatever is in his mind, creating unexpected chaos. Haha...

To end this, yeah, I'm off to YouTube again. Mum'll be sending Aunty Fanny and Desmond to airport later. I don't feel like going near tourists. Maklumlah, WHO already announced that it's a pandemic, 1st time in 41 years. Guys, take good care of yourself. Eat more fruits and veggie, stay a lil' further from meat..

Dilemma me, quickly make your decision for university! Shall I follow my heart or shall I follow money? Choosing between dream and reality is cruel. God, pave that road and I shall walk.

小小回顾～

亲们，我回来了！！我知道，你们都很想念我滴，对不对？不用害羞，大胆地承认吧！

话说，从星期一开始，我就不能上网，原本以为是我laptop的问题，后来用pc也不能上，就开始怀疑是我换去unlimited streamyx的后遗症。到了星期二，我不得不开始研究起modem：该不会是我天天看youtube近7个小时而烧掉吧？咦？我好像打雷也还窝在房间里看叻，该不会是被雷劈到了吧？没有啊……没有爆炸、没有烟味，modem的灯仍然像天上的星星般眨啊的，应该ok吧？可是，仔细瞧瞧，某盏灯没有亮哦……哼，以为躲在中间我会没有发现吗？太小看我咯……昨天忍不住拨电话（不是“打”电话哦……电话os：我生下来是给你们打的咩？呜呜……命苦啊我）给kathy老师，才懂，原来是telekom的问题。听说是streamyx的某个cable断掉还是什么的……于是，今天早上我再试一次，果然就on了！哈里路亚！

首先，对，我还是没有查到自己到底有没有被USM录取（第二轮）。我个人是没啥信心啦……人家3.5以上都被拒绝咯……我没有悲伤的权利，是不？

然后就是我要跟大家分享个喜讯啦……不是我的，但是，看到她嫁得好，也替她开心嘛……我的远方表姐，陈玉萍星期一那天结婚了！对了，她的名字也是个故事……本来啊，那是我的名字，不过，她正好1988年12月出生，所以，名字被她的爷爷（我爷爷的弟弟）选走了……他们还建议我干脆就叫玉婷算了（庭羽，跟你是倒转的哦……哈哈……），可是，我的爷爷说太女性化了，什么太雅了，像个瓷娃娃一样，易碎，命会不好哦（像上面提到的电话一样？哈哈），所以就取个偏中性的珊啦……咦？扯这么远去？哈哈……回来回来……以下就是部分的照片啦……新郎新娘互喂蛋糕的那张不小心被我毁了……我又不会recover，所以……歹势……

新郎李绍强&新娘陈玉萍

新郎新娘全家福～

（从右边起）ah zai 叔叔【新娘的爸爸】，tina (?) 【新娘的继母】，老婶婶【新娘的奶奶】，新娘，新郎，新郎的妈妈，李彦憑先生【新郎的爸爸】

对我父母鞠躬
对bo ann叔叔（我爸的堂弟）夫妇鞠躬

我和爸妈

难得的合照

（从右边起）ah chew叔叔，妈咪，我，ah chew叔叔的老婆，爸爸，ah hing叔叔，ah yong叔叔的遗孀和他们的某个儿子（？） 《不能怪我不记得啊，因为她生了6个儿子嘛……然后那天去的小孩整20个，我根本不知道谁是谁的孩子吖……）

ah heng 叔叔全家福

主持人- 张菲

嗯，我的妈咪正式收desmond表弟为干儿子啦～ *鞭炮声* 哈哈……咱们家这个干弟弟很可爱哦……又爱撒娇，嘴巴又甜，重点是，不懂他的小小脑袋瓜儿怎么能够装那么多东西，很聪明哦……我忽然想到啊，以后我结婚的晚宴，是不是派他在第二道佳肴时送礼到男方那桌啊？啊！！不小心透露我想嫁女儿心……哈哈哈哈哈……嗯，果然闲空时不宜常看爱情小说，尤其是什么《桃夭篇》……哈哈……（废虫：我又来了！男人婆也会幻觉要嫁人咩？！天大的消息！）喂！说什么呢……男人婆好歹也有个“婆”字嘛……

我的近况除了废就是废……很担心再这么下去，我不止可以跟大冰手牵手去菜市场（话说，原来诗巫的中央市场是全东南亚最大的噢？）摆摊卖蘑菇，根本就是可以跟小妹盈莹一样腐了……不能上网的日子，我依然把眼睛粘在laptop的荧幕前……玩游戏……甚至不知不觉就all levels completed! congratulations!的级别了……现在streamyx通了，我要重回允浩的怀里！哈哈……

早上做了个噩梦，不懂哪儿来的孔雀，把我家的猫咪和狗狗都搞得很兴奋，结果，忽然来了场洪水，续而浮现3只鳄鱼。那3只鳄鱼的出场也很怪，是用两只脚走路的。不知怎么的，我的猫咪们跟他们搏斗起来，害我紧张害怕到醒……醒来喝了水，手还在抖……是怎样？压力太大？还是中电脑的毒太深，眼睛+脑部疲劳？

刚才闲来无事，就看到这个，超好笑，有空就去看看吧……保证心情变很好！
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=po9GklfKwRo&feature=rec-HM-fresh+div

只有功课的童年？

今天的主题是为了配合《星洲日报》的专题续而探讨的。话说早上在报纸上看到类似【我们真的要让孩子们的童年回忆只剩下数不尽的功课吗？】就开始很努力地回想自己的童年……然后……很惭愧地发现……功课是很多啦，但是都没有做完……哈哈……印象中，小学四年级到六年级的生字，我都没有写完诶……哈哈……为什么会记得是不是？因为某年中学的年终假期大扫除时不小心挖到一本簿子，很好奇地翻进去看当年到底学什么生字……结果，映入眼帘的是……很丑（东歪西倒）的字填满前面几页，后面的就全部只有第一排有字，上面好像有拼音，下面19行都是空的……哈哈……老实说，那时我真的有吓到……终于明白为什么我的华语这么差了……【汗】

依稀记得，以前小学的书包加手提包的重量，平均为6公斤。那时大家都会偶尔抱怨了（真的不能说痛苦，因为并没有这样觉得叻），所以相当佩服，也同情时下的小学生……同样一科（科学/数学）就要读两本一样的（华语&英语）字典还要带3本喔……想当年，我为了减轻书包重量，只带最小的那本华语字典……现在虽然挺破烂的了，可是我还是很爱翻……没办法，有感情了嘛……革命情感叻～

我对考试，尤其是月考和听写之类的倒是颇有印象～

五年级的某次同、反义词考试，我和邻座的敬欢到考试当天才懂有考试，但是两个是一派的冷静。

直到考试前一分钟，忘记是谁先丢出一句：“等下考试就靠你了！”

对方很惊讶地喊：“不是你读吗？我可没有准备！”

“什么？！我今天才懂有考试诶，怎么可能有读？！”

“啊？！完了完了……”

果然，两个一起完了……20题里，他错16题，我错15题。许为明老师真的很生气，因为……很多人都考不好……所以错5题以上的，每2题打1板，自己算好了，等老师走到座位时报数。当我跟她说7板半时，她差点晕倒……很丢脸啊……人家错5题，我才对5题……结果我左手掌5板，右手掌2板，整个手掌都肿起来……敬欢还说：“咦，玉珊要哭了……”我嘴硬地回：“哪有？！只是灰尘飞进眼里嘛……”

还有的就是六年级的数学测验。天才的我竟然24-7，减……错……了……当时的林老师觉得不可原谅，就在右手掌鞭一藤，那条疤痕还逗留3天叻……结果第四天又是考数学，好不容易我的疤痕不见了，我就不允许自己再减错……结果……我竟然加错！又挨一鞭……右手掌的6天鞭痕让我从此对数学格外小心……哈哈……所以啊，我觉得，适当的鞭打是有提醒作用吔……

小学的功课，噢，不，应该说，一直以来，直到中学的功课，我好像都没有做完诶……哈哈……除了中三那年……别问我为什么，我也不懂……所以啊，人家说新时代的小孩童年只有功课，我不是很认同啦……毕竟我的童年很好啊……报纸说现在的功课让安亲班（安亲班是啥东东？诗巫人好像都是说【补全科】）的老师都倍感压力……我无法体会，因为我开始补习，还是自己要求的……补习可以认识很多朋友嘛，就可以讲话……哈哈……然后那些课外活动我玩得很开心啊……平时晚上赶不完的功课（因为边看电视节目，边做功课），第二天是去1A班（当年我是管这班的学长哦）赶完的……还有为了名正言顺地逃课，就常常去参加校内比赛……大家1个小时就交上去了，我硬是拖到比赛规定的时间到了，才慢条斯理交上去……连负责看管比赛的老师都快受不了了……哈哈……

所以啊，我觉得童年是很快乐的！就算功课无可避免地充斥我们的生活，我还是没什么压力……也许可以提供给大家我们家很可爱的爸爸妈妈的逻辑吧……

妈：不要给自己压力，考试只要及格就好了……及格总比不及格好吧？是不是？

爸：千万不要给自己压力，不然会两头不到岸……班上总要有人拿最后一名嘛，是不是？

我：=.=lll

2nd Senior

Today I finally went back for training after much negligence, especially last week’s one-match-happy-one match-empty USM thingy. With the absence of a whole big group of colour belts (on honeymoon, perhaps?), I kind-of-expectedly became the 2nd senior. Can you imagine a green belt being the one the call out “charyot, kyong-ye” to the 1st senior? Haha… Why on earth I’m that daring to stand at that position? 1st, there’s no one else with a higher belt level & 2nd, ‘cause 1st senior is Jenny and I want to chat with her. As easy as that. XD I was glad that I went today since the training will be stopped for 3 weeks. Hopefully I’ll be able to at least go and watch part of the interschool tournament on 20th and 21st June. Yes Lucy, I remember my promise. I doubt I’ll be able to train this happily and freely once I stepped into university. Mum prefers me to polish my rusty badminton skills. I’m still worried about university admissions. Haih…

I don’t want to make your eyes sore reading through my lengthy blog so that’s all for now. Back to YouTube watching all videos related to DBSK, especially Yunho *blush*. Just Yesterday, I’d found out that Jaejoong isn’t bad either. They did go through lots of hardship. At my age, they were already struggling for life. I could never imagine myself walking 3 hours every day from one work place to another merely to save money. Nor could I imagine sleeping under a bridge with the thought: “I need to sleep. As long as I have a shelter, everything will be alright.” Yes, boys and girls may endure pain differently, nevertheless, I still salute to them who worked really hard.

Night~ (or evening~, whichever you like more)

撒娇像一只猫

很荣幸跟大家介绍我们家庭会撒娇的成员人数：20～ 这当然包括本人我和17只宝贝猫咪和1只宝贝狗狗。那最后还没有提到到的是谁呢？锵锵锵锵 -- 我的……妈咪是也！


话说，猫咪很爱撒娇，大家应该都略有所闻吧？连年少都唱《撒娇像一只猫》了，难道是作词人凭空想象？不是嘛……就是日常生活能观察到的景象……可是我们家17只猫就真的给我出17种撒娇方式。哦，不，是对不同的人还有不同的方式，所以绝对超过17……而且，睡个觉都不放过展示撒娇功力……要么就赖在妈咪的脚，要么就坚持挤啊爬的，到我的大腿上睡（其实，如果把它们拎起来放到我的小腿上，他它们依然能在我的两根大骨头中间自己调好位置接下去睡。注：猫调位置可以不张开眼睛），要么就干脆跳到我爸的肚子上睡。可怜的老爸，睡一半竟然被吓醒……哈哈……把它们移到沙发上，居然睡眼惺忪地爬回我爸的肚子……到最后，我爸也放弃了……所以很常看到我爸跟猫一起睡午觉……尤其是下雨天，大伙儿还会去我爸肚子上抢地盘叻……画面虽偶尔滑稽，仔细看看，倒是蛮宁静的、祥和（？）的……


我们家最大的黄色猫咪则很爱赖在我房间的门前，因为可以吹冷气（其实，以前还曾经有几只猫每天下午或晚上一吃饱就往楼上冲，深怕好位子被别只抢……哈哈……)它看到我开门就会伸懒腰再把头往后100度，叫一声：喵！问题是，它伸懒腰的长度刚好跟我门的宽度一样（这是不是说明其实我们家的猫是高的？），我就要跨过它才能走出房间。它玩心一来，就会忽然把爪子往上升，抓我的脚/裤子……不过大只的还好，最怕小只的（真的很小，比我的手掌还短，因此被我的狗认为是老鼠，老是吠它）躺在我的门口，晚上没看清楚真的会踩到。我爸也常说这些小东西让他炒菜还得分心，一不留意，就会踢到坐在他脚踝后面或趴在他两个脚掌中间的猫……可是，我最怕的是上楼梯时，这些猫咪都不能安分守己，一定要赖着撒娇。恐怖的是，它们喜欢走S路型（从两只腿中间）……不小心真的会摔倒或把它们的尾巴狠狠踩下去……还有的叻，和喜欢去抓我的手指来舔……舔爽了就开始啃啊咬的……连我的脚趾头都不放过……整个顿时=.=lll


狗狗则是很大一只，也学它的猫朋友跑来撒娇……要是说尾巴摇摇，舔舔咱们的手就算了……不是！只要我一天没有拍拍它的头，第二天看到我就要扑进我怀里，然后露出楚楚可怜的眼神……让我妈哭笑不得……哈哈……它看到我会猛摇尾巴，正好尾巴拍到洗衣机，好像在听band的鼓声哦……哈哈……它很爱舔我的手跟脸，坏习惯则跟猫一样，很喜欢把我的脚当鸡腿来啃……当我很生气举报纸作势要打它时，就会迅速冲到洗衣机底下，然后乖乖趴着，前脚还会交叉叠放，表示它正在听话……到底是谁教的pose啊？


我咧，是个女孩子，当然会撒娇，对不对？哈哈……可是，看过我可以模仿撒娇的人，要么就像跆拳道老师（你要称他教练也行，不过我们私底下比较喜欢叫他的外号……当然，是在他背后）听到时弹到老远，用很惊恐的眼神看我，不然就是像lee hin lee soon这对双胞胎狂笑不已……哈哈……不过，我撒娇时习惯用“人家”代替“我”……还好不是奴家厚？


至于我妈叻，她每次都跟我撒娇，每次都被我推走……然后，她就会威胁我说她要哭了哦……哈哈……这是我们的相处方式啦……挺有趣的……各位不妨试试……


我们家不会撒娇的人就是很man的爸爸啦～只有我们拼命绕在他身边撒娇……哈哈……他倒也来者不拒，啊，不是啦，一定要是家人和宠物啦……


我的干弟弟，也就亲爱的desmond表弟也是很爱撒娇的一员……人家毕竟才6岁，跟我一样是独生的，就很爱赖着我们撒娇……哈哈……牵着他去逛街很开心啊……会双手攀着我的手，叫我“Barbra姐姐”……


你们呢？你们家有很特别的撒娇方式或动作吗？很好奇，不知道有没有像晓冰那种声音的美眉……很希望你们跟我分享哟……

我哭我伤悲，仰或我愤怒？

一大“清早”有哭的冲动，应该不是件好事吧？偏偏我现在就是有这种感觉……不是想家（我根本就是宅女，整天泡在家），不是看令人感动的赚泪八点档（这几天已经没有看《娘家》 和《神机妙算刘伯温》了）……而是……未经详细的思考就在e-mail上端的send格给他按下去……

啊！！！！！我后悔，我愤怒，我心慌，我……无奈……地……接受事实……迟早会给这冲动的个性害了我……好想挽回，好想电子邮件系统出问题，好想……好想……这一切都没有发生过……呜呜……怎么办？！要是真的就这么没了，我该怎么办？！啊！！！！！！！！！！！！救命啊！！！！！能怪谁呢？该活的手指？该活的头脑？茫茫茫……连去看允浩的节目的心情都没了……待会儿还要去聚餐呢……外头阴暗的天气，正如我此刻的心情，胸口……闷闷的……就快无法呼吸……反胃……强迫眼泪归回原位，嘱咐泪泉好好管下它的孩子，就让外面的倾盆大雨代替我的眼泪吧……还是，我该让眼泪去陪伴雨点悄然滴下呢？我不懂，我真的不懂……

Late!

Haih.. Can't help to start my blog with a sigh. Today I was supposed to arrive Blue's Spendor 宾雅 at 11am. I planned to sleep early last night, and as expected, it remained as a plan. Sleeping at 1am was considered early compared to my usual 2, 3 am, a bad habit I developed last month. Shall I blame it on fresh graduates of education who caused me jobless (有这种事咩？) or on the examination syndicate for my lousy STPM results that I start to give up on myself? (废虫：其实到头来，都是自己的错厚……那些可怜的，像我一样被冤的，欢饮加入我的group)
ps: 废虫is something I blame for not finishing my older blogs. 它其实真的是被冤枉滴……


Okay, back to original topic. "One" (yes, I so loved it that it's my handphone alarm now) woke me up at 9am, but as expected, I had ways to make myself NOT to wake up, instead to lie down doing nothing, and within seconds, I'm back playing chess with Mr Zhou (周公：其实……其实……我也是很不愿意的……她强迫我滴……呜呜……) Then, at 10am, I practically forced myself up. Suddenly I remebered that mum said something about newspapers while I was half asleep. So I went downstairs and ask her (顺便找早餐) After a quick brief through the newspaper, she instructed me to type letters for loans. I was like, huh?! it's already 10.30am, I should be getting ready for the wedding lunch. But I don't want to hear grumbles, so I did the edit-more-than-typing letter thingy for around 1 hour. I didn't get to have a quick shower. I can't find my jeans. I was .. =.=.. By the time we set off, it was 11.45am. And today's Wednesday. Everyone's rushing for lunch at 12pm. We opted the esplanade route. When we passed by Methodist 福源堂,there were more than 100 people coming out. I just remembered it was 年议会. Everywhere was jammed. I walked fast (considered quite fast since I'm in heels) and when I was about to take the escalator, I saw my old students from 2E. 下意识地, I put my head low as not to be seen. Unfortunately, their eyesight were too good. "Barbara! Barbara! Barbara!" A quick smile and I dash up. I was calling Mim, but no replies. So, I changed to call Bro. "Barbara! (with fingers pointing to hp) Thou Huat? Thou Huat!" Gosh... these small ghosts... How come they know I was going to call him? *speechless* I arrived the venue at 12.25pm. When I sat down, my friends acknowledged me that the bride (teacher Chew Fung) had went to Bintagor. Her husband's from there. =.=ll arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.................... I missed the photo taking. I was so angry. RAGE!!!


Anyway, the lunch was nice. There were only 9 of us at the table (看到某个sm，我们就赶快把第十张椅子推走，然后赶快把椅子挪一挪，假装很挤了……XD）With 5 boys at our table, the food and drinks were never enough. Mr Lau：你不懂我们很会吃的吗？看我们那天火锅怎么个吃法就明白了，不是吗？We all laughed out loud, because... that's absolutely the truth. Okay, with them, we don't need to care about image. In fact, no one was left with a nice image after being in our group. Haha... And since there were 3 pairs (or was it 4?) getting married, so there were different MCs and singers. 1st was a girl, 学生歌后？She looks more mature than me. And then, her boyfriend went up. Kelly and I was thinking：呃……呃……难以置信……Not that there's any problem with it, just that... it seems... not right? Haha... unexplainable... Later on, as I expected, they sang together 《你最珍贵》We joked that XY's song had been picked. Then, there was this lady in her sixties.At first, we didn't really pay attention. Until the MV of her song came out. It was HER!!! LOL... She even went to China to take her very own MV. Next on stage was her husband (we guessed). She went on again, singing 3 songs altogether. 宣传行程竟然会安排到婚宴？强！By the way, her 打歌服is very喜气洋洋，red dress+pink shoes.


As for the brides, the dresses were... not up to what we expected. It was very... Sibu-style? Not surprising, not eye-catching, just very... normal-wedding-dress. But the pinkish pair was quite unexpectable. I mean, you don't see bridegroom in full dark pink everyday, do you? Oh ya, before I forget, one of the MC was 张菲(not sure if it's supposed to be written this way) just because he had a hair style like the one in Taiwan.


Others aren't too important (废虫：就big big square square承认自己懒惰吧！) to be typed out. So, I'll end this with the post of the video I promised yesterday. It's very short and those interested, you can get it from me.

In the process of learning~

Aren't I hardworking? Updating my blog everyday (hey, this is only your second post, second day, kay? =.=) Haha.. I'm still learning how to use blogspot, and yeah, that's why the background is still white, songs can't play automatically etc. I AM searching around. Give me some time.

As an update, NUS, SMU and USM decided not to offer me a place. The preparations for entering these 3 shall remain as a useful training, but nothing more than that. Arrr.. I shouldn't have miss last Saturday's taekwondo training for that. Haih... Should have know that my luck won't be that good to squeeze into an Apex university. Anyway, I'll still be working hard on loans and stuffs.

Lately, since I'm deeply in love with Yunho (blush), I'm learning how to sing "One", Korean version. Already got around 60% of it.


What else I'm learning? Let me think... Oh ya, I'm learning how to believe God has planned my future. All I have to do is to trust him and thrust everything in His hand. Honestly, I can't have much faith when I can't see things clearly. But I know that's a lesson in life. We only get to know, and appreciate, things when we look back AFTER those events happen in life. Also trying to learn not to skip church for months :P


Wanted to start training myself to sleep early, wake up early, go exercise, lose fat, cook etc... My list is (had been) very long, and I never get to completely acheive something planned. I maybe a good planner, but a lousy follower. [sigh]


Before I end my speech XD, allow me to shout : Happy Birthday, teacher Chew Fung!!













birthday cake made by mim n choon


eggs that both of them coloured (1st time saw eggs this colourful)


xy, chew fung see how happy she is? this is our planned surprise b'day party for her) n cheong

后面那个是来乱的…… 哈哈……

As for the video, I'll ask for others' permission before posting this up, kay?

ps: I'll read through the lyrics before we sing on stage tomorrow at your wedding. Hehe..



To be continued...

Welcome!!

Welcome to this new blog of mine!! A new blog to mark a whole new chapter in my life.. Will continue to make this better. And yes, I'll stop using spaces, so please leave all comments in this one.

For those who cant understand chinese, my blog sounds jz like d add, xuan yi ge. xuan yi is my pen name while ge simply means a room or a house, much in d ancient times. Back then, ppl use to name their own room.

As for the good news that left me in dilemma which some already know, I decided to post this up later, after I'd double check and reconfirmed everthing.

To my friends out their, please change your links if you had my old one, and for those who haven't add, pls kindly inform me so that i can add you in. Thank you for your corporation.

Happy Gawai!!